i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Randomize
