guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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