Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
