some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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