Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
