girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize