we have officially lost it.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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