For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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