I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
