Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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