I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
