Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
