i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
