last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
