Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
MIDGETS
????
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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