Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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