I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
