I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
