I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
