Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
