'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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