how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
