Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You have to summon your inner elephant
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
