i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
