The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Who died my cat blue again?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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