I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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