dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
