I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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