the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
