i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
