You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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