listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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