After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
