I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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