break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
