Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
