Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
