onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
