I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
