He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize