I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
