Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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