You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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