So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize