he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm at about main and main street
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
