My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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