So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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