i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
