OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
