Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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