We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
