Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
