Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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