I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize