you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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