so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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