Just fell off a train. Bad.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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