Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
