I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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