hotel room ftw
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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