420 ftw
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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