What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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